If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
