We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
