Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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