Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
