I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
