I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
