I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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