My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
