dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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