My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize