get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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