I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
