apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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