I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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