My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
