Fine. I'll sleep in my office
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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