His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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