Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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