White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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