I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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