please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
