that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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