omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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