He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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