just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
