You're completely useless in the revolution.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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