I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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