i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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