people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
