how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
