So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
