I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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