Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
