They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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