I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
