I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
