I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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