I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
