i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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