oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And then he peed in my hair
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