Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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