i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
