i don't like sucking hair
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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