I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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