Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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