i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
