Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
