I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
