I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize