All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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