remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
