Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
