the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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