"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's always time for handjobs
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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