So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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