I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need water and some morals
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
