3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize