I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Of course I have a pirate flag
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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