I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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