i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
