4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
