I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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