Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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