Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
